I don't want to seem like cringey and "im 14 and this is deep" but ive always likened my depression to a shadow. I do have loved ones and many reasons to be happy in life. The things like a light brighten my life up I just wish it'd stay consistent. There's times when life is at is shining at its brightest, directly on me. I still know the depression is there, it always is. But for these moments it takes a spot behind me where it's out of sight, easier to ignore until it encompasses me. Once it does, once that light dims or moves out of place for whatever reason, it takes its chance to take over. Now the dark is all I see. I'm lucky enough that I'll get these glimpses of light even during these darker states but it's not like before. I cant ignore the shadow anymore. Its all I know its always there in my line of sight