Well, since I got some plushies, my brain likes to think about if I were a girl and how much "happier" I would be if I were one. The problem is, I don't want to be a girl. It's super annoying to be this split about myself all because part of me thinks that I'd be happier a certain way. Sure it'd help me fit in with my friend group a bit more but I just want to be myself and I view myself as a guy. Like it's super annoying seeing that part of myself fantasize about being a girl when I hold my plushies close when all I want to do is just sleep. I also don't want to abandon my plushies just because a part of me fantasizes like that. Some days I feel like I'm splitting apart just because I can't contain the part that wants me to be like that. Just wanted to clarify I'm not transphobic, I just don't want to be trans.