what will happen if i did it? who will miss me? how long before im forgotten? will anyone really care? won’t it make everything better? will anyone have anything nice to say? will the memory of me float up to the ether? will my whole life have meant nothing? how could i have changed anything? how could my life have had any meaning? what is my purpose? am i here by mistake? why do i feel like a mistake, like my whole existence is one cosmic accident? a fluke that has gone overlooked and under checked. is there any point saving me? will i always have to save myself? but i don’t like me, so how can i expect anyone else to? why can’t i give up? why can’t i stop it? how long is the suffering? why does it hurt to remember? is any of this even really? does any of this really matter? can i let go now? can i?