I really wanted to believe that hope exists-that maybe life is worth living, but I can’t find a reason. Live for happy moments? Except I can’t, can I? Not when every moment is spent stressing about how others perceive me and constantly dealing with suicidal ideation. Live for others? I actually used to. I hid my emotions amd suicidal thoughts so well no one even suspected. But, I’ve gotten worse at it. Now it’s so obvious, and Im being called a disappointment by my parents because I’m procrastinating my homework nearly every day. And, being with friends doesn’t help anymore. I can’t take this anymore. I really can’t. I dunno how to kms besides hanging myself and it’s always too painful to actually go through with it when I try, so I need something less painful. I really can’t take it I’ve genuinely lost all hope that life can get better. I don’t want it to, and I don’t deserve it. I don’t need comfort I need a painless method, or something to make life numb and livable.