An ex friend’s friend group which systematically excluded in me shattered into pieces during a school trip. They were all good friends at first, but it became pretty clear that they were looking for pretty popular girls and the chubby funny lesbian with actual emotions and desires besides being their comedic relief wasn’t making the cut. I should feel happy now that the group is pretty much gone, but we were so close at some point that I can’t bring myself to be happy even though I should be. Things turned out the exact way I thought they would, just how I said it, but I don’t feel smug or happy at all. If anything, I feel more desperate for their friendship all of a sudden. Plus, I was in love with one of the girls, and while I’m pretty sure she would never even feel close to the same way, I would be happy to just shut up and be her friend again. I miss her, even if I know I shouldn’t. I know I’m better now, with better friends, but god I miss them. I miss her so much it hurts. ——Anaa