Ive been dating a guy for abt 9 months im ashamed to say our relationship is so toxic im losing myself in it but l feel so guilty bc he has helped me through my tough times and l secretly love someone else. I cant even describe the other guy other than l feel safe and calm for the first time in months. The other guy kissed me too. Full on kissed me unexpectedly and l pushed him away but l genuinely can't stop thinking abt it. We both know we like eachother and have to hide it. Sometimes we meet during the day just to talk abt our lives. And it makes me feel seen but sad bc when l go to see my bf l remember all the times he hurt me and made me cry, the nights l felt l was the problem for setting a boundary and the time he SAed me but l know im the bad guy for emotionally cheating. I just need advice, Advice from someone who doesnt know me and can tell me which one do l choose. Pls