my therapist died. his name was jon malozzi, he was 49 and he was an amazing man, you are welcome to look it up. it feels so hard to believe, that everything in my life added up to that very moment in may. i’ve been living completely out of spite. i decided it is better to speak than to die with so much to say, and i joined speech and debate to prove to myself that i will speak, despite my crippling social anxiety. i don’t know how to feel. angry, sad, it’s all the same. it doesn’t matter. tomorrow is my first speech in front of about 500 people. this may be heavier than usual, but i felt i had to get this off my mind, and sadly, i have no therapist to turn to. if you read this all, thank you. please, live a little. this isn’t a movie, no one is going to warn you of when you will die. if you have a “bucket list,” make it a “to-do list.” cross each box, and figure out who you are doing it for. no matter what you think, you will always be doing it for yourself.