I feel like deep down everyone only tolerates me and are better off without me. I've felt this way for a lot of people but never this severe before. I've been overthinking things a lot and they really get to me. I don't know what to do, I've been rlly forgetful lately too. I don't want to say I am having suicidal thoughts but I think of killing myself sometimes even though I'd never actually do it. But I feel like I am just one push away sometimes. I mourn my old self before I got sick. I have a lot of regrets, my genuine wish is always going to be to have the ability to control time— so I could go back and buy myself more time, change the outcome.