Everything feels so strangle lately I mean it has for awhile years at this point I just I went no contact with my dad at 12 he forced his way back into my life at 16-17 acting like nothing happened im 18 now im not forced to visit him but if I dont everyone gets mad at me so here I am every second weekend miserable because im near him again I mostly keep to myself stay in my room try to avoid him as much as possible or quickly end our conversations and wait to be driven back to my mom's place where I actually feel safe he wouldn't physically hurt me now that he has his perfect new family but I can never forgive him for how he was in my childhood everyone makes excuses for him saying he loves me and he was young and inexperienced but I can't forgive I refuse today I brought up how he used to be and his new girlfriend simply said he was young and inexperienced as always saying they hope I forgive him when in reality all I feel is a grudge I keep secret