I have bpd and I can't live with myself because of it. I always take it out on the ones I love and regret it immediately after. Everything I do is intense and I can't bring myself back down. I used to smoke everyday and that helped but I really had to quit. I smoked again today though because I was feeling so bad I didn't know what I was going to. Im mad at my boyfriend and I feel like I hate him but I can't tell if it's me or really him. Regardless, I know it's going to make him feel differently about me. I can't stop fighting with him and he's an avoider. He will avoiding talking to me and I need to deal with things right then and there. It feels like I could just fucking die right there when he won't speak to me. I don't know anymore. I hate myself