I dont know who i am anymore, all i can recount is the fact that i have been high masking for the majority of my life, i was taught to be this way, i was taught to conform to what other’s deem appropriate or not odd or weird. And then i get told to just “stop masking” and it feels so frustrating I DONT KNOW HOW TO?? Im trying my hardest to stop, im trying every ounce of living fiber in my body to just “be myself” but i dont even know if that was there to even begin with. I was so young when i got put into a program that was teaching kids with autism how to ‘act normal’ and i dont even know who i am anymore. I look in the mirror everyday and dont even recognize myself and feel so disconnected from the very vessel i live in. I hate my body i hate everything about myself and want to crawl out of my own skin at times, and just being aware of this just makes it more agonizing, because how do i get this feeling to go away.. no body tells me how to.