I don’t feel good enough. I have a lot of stuff, smarts, friends, etc, but I don’t really feel like I have it, I feel like I don’t deserve it all - that I have to show I earned this life to actually have it. I don’t know how to show I earned it though. Yeah I’m smart, I have dozens of notebooks all about math, geography, etc, always trying to become the best, but then after I have all that on the paper I feel like “Well, it’s just basic knowledge…it’s not that hard to write words down,” it’s not like I say that in a way I push others down, I only say this to myself, but the moment my friend gets a D I feel so damn proud of them, like “Omg! They really are so smart!” like a giddy happiness for them to be so happy, smart and augh! But if I get an A, I just stare at it and feel like slapping myself if I dare feel a hint of hope. I also feel a bad jealousy with my friends, we have a big friend group but yet I still feel like they don’t like me, even though they all whine that I do alot