it's all shit. why do i have to live? why are they forcing me to live? if they cared, then i wouldn't have gotten to this point. seriously, life is just full of bs. every task feels like pushing a boulder uphill, every word out of my mouth feels like i'm going to curse or scream. i'm seeing neon colors. i'm hearing wet flesh tearing, heavy wind, and strange shit. my body is breaking. my mind is on fire. i'm trying so hard to keep it together and hold in the desire to tear myself apart. should i just die? the anger became sadness, the sadness became anger, everything dissipated into one depressing state of being, and now i'm right back to blinding, violent, homicidal anger. i'm barely holding on. my hopeful, naive love became obsessive. addictive. corrosive. violent. i grew dependent on her. i loved her. i love you, Tiesha. I LOVE YOU. but i only love you when i need something to live for. otherwise, i'd be dead. it's all your fault. why'd you have to go and tell me those things?