On the bright side of things, I apologized to an ex-friend of mine almost 20 days ago now, and they see me as a friend. I feel horrible for wanting to be their friend too, my partner was uncomfortable with me talking to them due to past drama, though I cannot bare the longing I have to have more friends like them and to get close again. They were great, I miss you R. Though I was the reason a lot of things happened, I just wished everything would have been better. Maybe in another universe we're best friends, maybe you would have met my current best friend, and you and my gf wouldn't have ever fought over our friendship. It was stupid, I was stupid, I feel like an idiot half the time too. Yk, little update, like you would ever see - She's become more pushy about me spending money on her, then when I say no and tell her to think about our trip she says "but you have so much money! You're not gonna go broke!" I should talk to her about it when she's feeling better. Bye again.