I think I miss her. I actually think I miss my mother. I feel so, so gross but I can't help feeling cold at night. She loved me, I've been told it's dangerous to think so but I truly do believe she loved me. She wouldn't do that to hurt me. I was her saint, her confessor, her everything, and I still left. What is it going to take for me to not be alone anymore? I just feel so ruined, like every minute someone isn't looking at me I'm expiring. I still feel her hands sometimes, I feel their presence, I feel them on and inside me and I hate it.
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