it wasn't gay when I always thought how pretty she was and would constantly pat her whenever I could because I didn't (still don't) know how to show affection in any normal way and I would imagine kissing or dating her just for fun until I realized I didn't actually mind those fantasies at all and I would imagine telling her all my secrets, right? Like I'm genuinely confused is that like a normal experience? I got over this phase and I never told her how I felt BUT I MEAN IT STILL HAS ME WONDERING LIKE DID I GENUINELY LIKE HER OR WHAT?!?!?! Genuinely need some thoughts on this SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WAS THIS LIKE A GENUINE CRUSH or was it just some more of my intrusive thoughts?