The fact that I know I can kill myself and seeing pills just triggers me and I start zoning out every few seconds as my mind floods with suicidal thoughts, and near pills and knives or guns I need to physically restrain myself so that I don't just grab it and kill myself. How when they ask me if I pick my skin I just go quiet and deny it. When they finally notice my self harm, they ask, and I lie. Cuz I'm too scared. The fact that no one knows that I wanna take my mental health seriously. The fact that my own fucking elder sister said that it's people like me who make decisions and when the decisions come bite them , they whine about it and self pity. I don't pity myself. Rather, I hate myself. I hate that I was born and ruined my mother's life. I hate that I was born and turned out to be a weirdo. I hate that I'm so fat. I hate that I was born a woman. I can't even promise anyone whether I'll live till tomorrow at this point.