tw: suicide, self-harm, etc. I don't understand what's going on with me. I used to be severely depressed several years ago, but since then, I've seen psychiatrists and therapists, and I'm even on anti-depressants. I've been medicated for almost 4 years now, my dosage has been consistent, and I know that recovery is non-linear, but for the past year or so, I've started to reconsider suicide. Not that I'd actually do it, but I can't help but "fantasize" about multiple times a day. I'm pretty sure I have suicidal ideation now, which is strange, because I have a great life, especially compared to a few years ago. I can't help but cut, not because I'm frustrated or upset, but just because I can. I want to, but I don't know why. I wish I could be "normal", and that all of this could be a thing of the past again, but I don't even know what's wrong with me anymore.