It's really hard for me to be nice to people, i don't feel like treating people friendly, be nice to them, be open to them. I have a hard time making friends/ being social. And if you would ask me why, i wouldn't really have a valid reason for it other than, i went to years of abuse/bullying/ostracization but now we're past that, but i am not. I feel like very closed off, even though i don't really like that. I find it very difficult to forgive everyone for my pain. I can really relate to the quote from bojack horseman, about doing shitty and when people ask, "why what's wrong?" I am like: "idk, all of it". Maybe that's just a feeling, and "all of it" means a few specific things that trigger a feeling of overwhelmingness. I just find it difficult to grasp the concept that it's actually very easy to be social and make friends. Cause it was so hard all my life and i worked so hard and suffered so much for it, that i am kind of burned out now. Guess i am the loser after all. Huh.