I'm trying to get into a grad school in Japan that has an 11% acceptance rate. I have to study Japanese every day, learn 15 words and 1-3 grammar points a day. I haven't been able to. I'm learning 6 at most, pounding out endless reviews, just to pray and hope I get my N4 certification in December. I'm being trained to be a manager, the highest position a student can get on campus, on top of having to take 19 credits for the next 4 semesters, pulling my hair out to get 4.0's each semester just to get my overall GPA back up to 3.7. I'm doing research for two labs. I don't have time for myself. I'm losing sleep. I have terrible body dysmorphia, but the gym is impossible on 3-4 hours of sleep per night. I still go 4 times a week anyways so I feel like I deserve to eat. The lack of sleep is preventing information from sinking in. I still can't speak basic Japanese at N5 level. I can read, but active recall is not there. I'm panicking. I'm numb. I'm becoming a shell of a person.