I’ve constantly been feeling unwell. “But it’s just dehydration!!!” So they say. Maybe that’s a little bit of a factor but a heart rate of 140 when you aren’t doing anything is very concerning. “Oh but that’s the anxiety. Nothing to worry about” oh fucker. I know what anxiety feels like. I’ve sat on my bed clutching my shirt feeling like I’m breathing through a straw during a panic attack. I’ve sat there wondering if I’ve checked my closet and under my bed enough times. Will 5 times do it? Or 6? But no not 6, because that is a bad number. But it can’t be odd either it should be an even number of times. And what if that MF stupid piece of shit hid a camera in my room??? Well then I guess I’ll just have to be watched 24/7 because no matter how many times I check I still can’t shake the feeling I’m being watched. That’s the least of my problems. The baseline sense of impending doom is the least of my worries. The fact I want to kill myself, now that is a more pressing matter.