Ik I need help and I want to tell someone but uk sometimes I forget everything all that’s left is this dread and I forget why I wanted to kms I forget everything I js feel nothing so mostly I don’t recognise if I even have any problems or I js hate myself and say I deserve it and it’s normal bc I deserve it and I’m not allowed to ask for help idk why this part of in my mind makes this rules and if I don’t follow them something bad will happen I hate myself I feel so disgusting even being a part of my body and my mind but other times I like my personality and that at least I’m not racist and have good morals and good emotional intelligence.I’ve been wanting to ask my teachers for help but I’m it will never turn out good bc I don’t want my family to know all this never I’d rather die so instead I rant here it helps too some extent.Rn I don’t remember why I ever wanted to die and I don’t want too but I’m still crying and I don’t want to remember those thoughts even tho I’m they’ll come.