it seems as if getting back with my ex is my only problem and it seems so simple, yet, I know it's way more than that. he was my first time, something I'd never thought I would have the trust to do. I thought he truly saw me, loved me, and cared for me. but of course he turned out to be this two-faced lustful loser who got off on OF girls not even being able to pay to actually watch their content. I think the reason I've struggled with leaving him behind is that notion that he can change and that he actually loves me for me. of course, he said so, the changing part. but deep down I just really wanted him to love me the same way I loved him unconditionally. the reason I got so upset at this was because he knew I thought it was wrong. but also, because the people who hurt me as a kid traumatized me with these things. I'd trusted him and told him all of that, he even said people like that had to pay. but he was no different. he hurt me. he lied to me. I can't ever trust again.