I stare at my hands and I’ve come to realize that I hate the fact that I can feel them, that I am nothing more than matter bound by the ability to know that I am matter. I hate my body, but not because I feel like I am the wrong person, but rather the fact that I know I’m nothing more than flesh and bone. Yet, I know that. I know that’s the point. I KNOW thats the "way it works" but there is nothing that can make me truly find comfort in that. People seem to find so much comfort in the fact that "life has ups and downs" when I tear out my hair at that phrase because I've been told it thousands of fucking times. I'm happy, I'm sad, I'm happy, I'm sad. Everything is just a stepping stone to the next emotion. At this point, I hate it all. I hate happiness, I hate feeling good, I hate feeling bad, I hate feeling angry. I HATE BEING A HUMAN. "lifes like a rollercoaster!" DO YOU NOT SEE THE TRACK? DO YOU NOT SEE THE ENTIRE COASTER AHEAD OF YOUR OWN EYES? im just so tired.