I can't express myself. I have built this persona around my friends of myself that I'm just a chill guy who never reacts emotionally. Everything that happens I feel. It hurst most of the time. Yet I swallow my words and respond to please them. Believing I'm weaker. The weak have no say. However, all this frustration has built up to me and I'm not sure yet but I think I have depression. I don't know what I call this but I randomly feel terrible like my brain is about to be fried alive and all the embarrassing things I've ever done suddenly rush into my mind. To top it all of I have a terrible relationship with my parents. I've lied to them stole from them, manipulated them to get my own satisfaction. Then I go on and expect them to trust and help me. I'm a terrible person. I want to understand them. I want to help them. I want to give back to them. But I can't and I don't know why. This may be my last plea to anyone who knows me. I NEED HELP.