I push people away when it’s getting hard when they’re getting close when I know they are about to be in my heart. I push them away not because I want them gone, but because I’m scared scared of being abandoned I’m scared of being alone. I’m scared that they will not want to stay if they see the Me the real Me the Me that I see. I’m scared. I’m scared of what they will see how they will act I’m scared in so many ways that’s why I pushed them away. I pushed them so far. I push them over the edge. Sometimes they leave sometimes they go away very very very far but some keep coming back. I don’t know why I keep pushing them away trying to figure out why why me why do they see me I just keep pushing and pushing and pushing trying to push them away one more person maybe just maybe they’ll go away I don’t want them too close but I don’t want them too far. I keep everyone at arms length just nothing too close to my heart.