I thought telling my best friend what happened to me would make it stop eating at me, but it got worse. He said what they did to me was bad but he also said "Maybe they didn't mean for it to be that bad" and it forced me to realize how alone I truly am in this. I don't want to blame my best friend for not being a master in helping me because I know he isn't. But at the same time I don't want it to be about if they "meant" it or not because we'll never know. I just want to be heard. I know it was "just roleplay" and "fictional" but I had no place to consent to it. I had no power in those because they wanted to be superior. They forced those things on me and I have no one to talk about it to without the fear of being misunderstood or made fun of. I feel so stupid for even feeling violated by it and wonder if I'm being overdramatic but I have to acknowledge I DO feel it that way and it sucks so fucking bad. I don't know what to do with myself