I don't know who I am outside of being helpful. I've lived my entire life squishing myself down into the smallest place possible to make everyone else feel loved, appreciated, and seen, but I feel like I'm sort of a horrible, manipulative monster. I have great friends, I have a great family, I have no need to feel like this, but I've realized that I tailor myself so specifically to different people that no one knows what I'm actually like. No one asks how I'm doing, no one asks if I'm okay or need help, cause I'm the one that does that for everyone else and they assume I just have everything together. I don't, and I'm scared out of my mind constantly. I'm so anxious about making everyone else in the room happy that I sometimes think that rooms would be better if I wasn't in them, like my existence was ruining everything. I want to stop thinking like this, but I don't even know where to start. How does one stop being the strong convinent one without everything I love being lost to me.