i genuinely want to disappear. this past week i've been feeling so useless and numb emotionally and mentally. i can feel that one of my closest friends is drifting away and i don't know what to do about it; it feels like we've run out of things to talk to, and she's just going with other people. and my self-esteem is even worse, i hate my appearance so much. i just want to cry out, but my body won't let me. and what's worse is that all this makes me just want more attention because i don't feel valid, and i hate feeling like an attention seeker, which obviously this is making me feel like one. i'm scared to live, but i'm scared to die. isn't there a way i can just disappear with no pain?
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