I can never rruly pretend im happy and have the life i want because something will always remind me or my misery. Somwthing wrong with me, very obviously. But im never gonna get help for it. Not even help to find out whats wrong. Its like a plague has attached to me and now everything i do and think is a curse and i hate myself but i dont and i wanna kill myself but im so afraid of death im sure the thought of it could scare me to death some day It feels a bit stupid and like im faking it and maybe i am i mean ive tried to strangle myself over homework hoping someone would hear me sobbing and out of breath and come ask me whats wrong but obviously thats never happened because i never finish the job, and i know i never will because im a worthless coward who cant even answer my name on a register without trembling and shaking. And this stupid thing doesnt even have long enough for me to rant but im sobbing my heart out infront of everyone and my brother just. Laughed. I should hang.