I had a secret. Very few people knew about this secret, and I wanted it left that way. My psychiatrist and a few close friends knew - that was all. After a particularly bad couple of days dealing with some pretty deep stuff, again my secret became obvious to those around me. After a visit by my psychiatrist I was encouraged to tell my mum. I didn't have the guts to tell her, but desperately wanted her to understand. So that Saturday night while at a friend’s place so I wasn't left alone, I took a major life changing step - I told mum my secret and she cried. What is this secret you ask? I self-harm. When I am desperately down, I end up out of it totally and harm myself. As if hurting me is a pain I can cope with when the other feelings are out of control and I can't.