I sometimes think “I’d like to do that one day”, “oh maybe when I’ll be older i’ll go there” but then I get down to earth and just think for a second. I can’t see myself anywhere in just a bit more than a year. I could see my 18th birthday, I can see Christmas this year, I can grasp aespa’s concert in February and maybe if I look really hard I can see my best friend’s 18th birthday next July. But after my 19th birthday there’s nothing. Just pitch black, literally nothing. No new school year, no new birthday, no new friends or any relationships, no job or carreer, no getting old. It’s not even that I don’t want to live after that, but what if it’s just the path I’m taking? I could visualize an idea of my future life when I was little, a wish most definitely but still. There was something for my 14th, 15th even 16th birthday and even my 20s if I dared to wish that much. But now I can’t see myself getting past 19. It’s so weird and I might be just tired.