I know I shouldn't be dependent on others for my happiness but my fucking mental health is so damn shit that it feels so lonely down here. I'd hope for good friends to help me through it all but no. They have their own shit and I can't help but not weigh on their minds. Now I'm on a study abroad the very few friends I have are hundreds of miles away and I can't help but feel so lonely here. I'm trapped between trying to hang with people who I agree with morally but hardly notice my presence or to hang out with people I disagree on every moral front just to stay sane. I have my boyfriend but he's far away and of course he'd want to talk. I don't want to depend on him for company all the time, I'd like friends and not just be a loner. I am just so tired of life and I just want to feel for just a few months at the very least true mental clarity. Not disassociation from life but to worry about nothing. Without alcohol without weed just pure mental clarity from everything in this world.