I feel lonely, very lonely. I can't help but feel so lonely even when surrounded by so many. It's eating at me more and more, like a damn plague. I feel like I barely have any friends, I'm just that "placeholder friend." The friend that is only a friend if everyone else is gone. Outside of that I'm just alone, no one to directly hangout with, no one to talk to, nothing. Just me screaming within a void hoping something returns besides my own voice. I hate trying to make friends because I'm so socially anxious and my social anxiety is awful but even when I do I still fail. I always become that "placeholder friend." If I don't talk within a place or talk to anyone for a while they wouldn't notice my absence. It would be just forgotten like everything else. This isn't a "I think" or "most likely" its a certainty. My absence from many I considered my friend hasn't been noticed.