I'm filled with nothing but anger. I want nothing more than to hurt my family in some unimaginable way. Everything was my fault. I just had it so good my siblings needed to do everything in their power to tear me down limb from limb. They get older and look for support. Tell me about their traumas, then quickly want to look away from mine. I'm always a reminder of their sacrifices, like I owed them my self esteem in return. I don't think they would ever want to know, I don't think I can tell them anything genuine. It would mean anything they apparently did was for nothing. It meanshey deserve every ounce of self hate they give themselves. So I need to carry it alone. Otherwise when they tell me they love me it's hollow. All they did was abandon me. Scream at me about their shit being in the wrong spot while I'm internally rotting in a relationship with an older man at 16. Looking for validation I never recieved. Why does the idea of hurting them make me want to die somewhere awful.