I dont get to be pissed at my family. I see we are better now, but nobody sees anybody else the way they wanna be seen. Sister still angry at mom, no understanding or willingness to discuss it with her. Mom is fed up with trying to talk with sister about it and always getting nothing but accusations and refusal to discuss further. Both are asking me to be right in the middle of it. Because I am somehow always the root of it. I'm sorry, I was a shitty kid who needed extra support. I didn't know sister would think my parents loved me more. I'm sorry I hurt you, I was a kid with behavioral issues and I was scared as fuck. I thought I was gonna get sent away or kicked out of school and you can't take no as an answer to anything. I'm sorry I seem to be the person everyone thinks is the root to all of this. I'm sorry I don't spend time with the family when it always has a chance to turn into screaming and stomping and slamming doors, even if that chance is smaller now.