i know it's bad, but i can't stop holding everything in. i'm aware enough of how it works. if you keep everything to yourself, it'll all boil over someday. i just can't, i can't tell people. even if i could, what's the point? i don't think others can fix this overwhelming feeling that there's been something wrong with me since the start. i keep thinking back and realizing i've always been like this and that kind of hurts. i don't want to bother people, i don't want people to know those parts of me. it's easier to just be quiet and pray for things to change, even though i know that it doesn't work like that. i'll keep pretending to be happy, and i'll keep pretending that it doesn't hurt everyday. one day this aching feeling will go away and i'll forget about all this. one day it won't be so hard for me to talk about it.