I feel the need to just, die. I've been feeling suicidal maybe somewhere in my freshman year of middle school? I thought those feelings went away but now I'm a senior high-school and I just dont understand what I'm doing here. My mom was aware of the first incident and what she told me scarred me. I didn't enjoy it obviously, maybe he didn't rape me but being pushed down on your brothers bedroom with both wrists pinned down and legs spread apart because his knee was in the middle while he placed his face in between my chest. That scared me. It happened again Thanksgiving while I was holding my sweet innocent baby sister in my arms, trying to put her to sleep, he came into the bed, told me he loved me in ways he shouldn't, cradled me, whispered into my ear. My mom found him hiding in the closet, she knew. But I was the one in wrong, just how today she told me I was disgusting and useless. No one wants me here, I'm going to succeed nowhere in life. I should die.