When you get so full of love that you wish to be raped by your friends in order to feel complete, even tho you're a lesbian. I don't even want that. It might come from my need to feel wanted. Desired so much that even tho they don't want to hurt me, BC THEY LOVE ME SO MUCH, they still do bc of some animalistic tendencies. I could go on about how sex isn't even sexual in my head. It's more like a cut me open and move in between my lungs kinda way? I feel so stupid bc I want to act like an idiot. I want to make bad decisions but holy shit thinkgs would NOT work out. So I'm left here, feeling digusted. I'm yearning for the concept of how I see love. It's making me sick. Just hearing or even thinking about them makes me want to kill myself from happiness. I get so happy as if I was drunk, hard to focus and amotional. My angry outbursts had come back, I would genuenly start lying to spend 3 seconds with them. I constantly feel the need to worsip them. They could do whatever they want to me.