i'm so happy for you my friend. you found a job that you seem to like. i've been praying for your success ever since i heard you needed one. but can i ever tell you that i still want to die whenever i try to find a job i know i won't get? that what my parents did to my career choice that would've made me happy, still boils my blood to an unbearable degree that i want my heart to stop beating entirely? will it be a rain on your parade if i do? do you notice that whenever you wish me luck in finding a job, i go quiet? will it be too much to tell you that or are we not that kind of friend? i promise you, i'm alright with that, i wouldn't want to be that close of a friend with me either... but is the way i'm holding you at arms length too uncomfortable? do you notice that i don't want to exist anymore? do you notice that you're one of the few people that bring me happiness and yet i can't show you my sadness? will you be happy if i suddenly stopped messaging one day? will you be okay?