I keep disappointing someone I love because My thoughts doesn't match my actions. And I know she will let go for her sake and I'm happy for that. But before that she fought and fought and lower her pride but in the end I cannot stop thinking of her old self who betrayed me and keep lying to me. I know she's just loving me fully ... But now she ended everything my pride can't go down... I can't beg her because I know she deserves to be free from me ... I'm so heartbroken and Sad but I feel empty because through the process of pushing her away, I was slowly opening my heart to her.. but sometimes I cannot handle my reactions when I'm triggered by the past... What should I do? I wanna be keep being selfie and want to be love. But now, she's no longer holding on the rope, and she's flying now. I want to end my life because it hurts... But I can't react yet because this happened many times and we get better after few days .. maybe I'm just feeling anxiety