I'm tired of feeling lonely, I open up to friends or family I get jokes in return, if not complains. I'm certain that not a single one of them knows what I'm tired of. My mother is dying I was telling this to my most trusted friends. All I got was silence and a joke "parents do tend to die on their children haha". All I wanted was a pat on the shoulder or "it's going to be alright" or something like that. I also don't remember when was the last time I cried and in a way it's killing me I saw my mother at the hospital hooked up to machines and what not I couldn't bring myself to cry I just have this heavy weight in my throat I can't seem to swallow and the way my dad looks at me with both the tenderness of a father and the sadness of a husband worst is I can't see to do anything right I want to I'm trying to but no matter what I do it's never enough and I'm tired of that of everything I just want to lay on the grass and do nothing