i deserve to be shot and killed why do i say the things i do why do i hurt people who care about me why do i feel like i need to push them to getting angry with me as if their anger will make me feel better. i just want someone to hate me. get angry with me. punch me. tell me you hate me and want me dead. I deserve that treatment. im such a piece of shit i dont know why anyone wants to still care about me when i say things that are so awful sometimes. If everyone woke up and realized they didn't have to put up with me and left, their lives would improve. i don't want that, but do i?? is that why it seems like I'm always pushing people to the point of upsetting them? do i WANT to be left alone but i do it by hoping others leave me? am i just projecting my feelings into them or something? i genuinely don't know, i just know that i feel like such a piece of shit