I wish my grandfather hadn't been so cruel to you mom. I wish my grandmother had loved the way you looked. I wish you hadn't lived through a civil war. Maybe if none of that had happened, my life would have been kinder. Maybe I would have had a real mother then. Maybe I would have loved myself, and my brother would have loved himself, and maybe he would have loved women.maybe you would have loved yourself, loved my father, and loved us. And we would all have lived happily ever after.