My dysmorphia and mental health has been getting worse. I spent so many of my teen years in therapy, my mind was clouded by paranoia, anxiety, self posting and suicidal ideation that I didn't get to BE a teen. I'm technically not a teen anymore but I feel like I haven't grown. I should feel like it- I'm in college, I made a new friend, but for some reason the ideation has come back. I don't know how much longer I can love like this. Feeling like I don't matter. That the world is better off without me. Who would ever want me? It's exhausting. I stay up late at night crying as soon as my friends go to sleep and I can't speak with them, I'm scared of mentioning it to my parents because they'd rather never go to therapy again (they're conservative and very private). I wasn't to figure it out on my own, but I feel like I don't have the energy to take care of myself. That it would be a waste of time and money. I can't live like this..