I know that my stupidity contributes to fascism. I don't know what I can do about it. No matter how much I read, I'm still stupid. I don't use my brain, I can only use this SpongeBob level of fantasy, this Lennie Small or Forrest Gump level of fantasy that makes me think I'm using my brain. I think I'm living proof that IQ and talent is the level that we fall to. I'm a piece of shit, I deserve every criticism I've received for being a piece of shit. I'm ableist too, but that's a defence mechanism to preemptively reject, shut out, and hate people who are of similar social condition to me, ironically, while I claim to support them in fantasy. You can quote Tate and I'd think it was some 18-20th century politician or radical. I can't even fake fitting in around a culture that values grit because I'm the one caught faking in my unimaginative fantasy. Preparing for a suicide that will never happen is my biggest artistic-intellectual achievement. I don't know if I can make life beautiful.