I always feel like I'm bursting with words I want to say, but I can never say all of it. I can never speak my mind even if someone gave me a chance because the truth is I'm gross and disgusting and there will always be someone worse than me, so why even pretend like I'm struggling? I want to die. Maybe just to prove to myself that I AM bad enough. I don't know what I want. I do have friends but it feels like I'm always pushing away. Maybe I like it better when I'm alone. No matter how much love someone gives me, I'll always push away. Not out of fear, maybe I guess I'm just selfish. I hate myself. I hate feeling like this. I hate it so much I want to die so badly. I want to run away so badly. I cant look at myself anymore I cant live in my skin anymore. I hate this so much no matter how much I cry and talk and vent, it'll still be on me. I'll never feel human. I'll never feel real. I'll never want to truly live. But whatever.