I want to kill myself. i dont see a point in living anymore, i am stupid, unattractive and i have the worst personality ever. i really dont get how my friends and my partner put up with me at this point. i get so rude whenever im upset and i feel terrible about it afterwards but i struggle with opening up and talking about my feelings. i just wish i could get better but i am so used to feeling horrible all the time that i find comfort in it, the idea of trying to improve my mental health sounds so tiring that i dont even want to try. i want to kill myself but my partner mentioned that maybe once we are older we could move away together and i do look forward to that and would love to, but everything is so overwhelming in life that i just want to give up entirely. i havent planned my future because i thought i would be dead by 11 and now im far passed that. i would have already done it by now but i am terrified of death, i truly believe that everything would be better without me.