A bunch of different things I’m feeling. I feel so directionless. I feel like nothing I do has any purpose or meaning, nothing I do generates an emotional response. It scares me all the time because every days events are blurring together and I can’t remember things I did even yesterday. I’m not happy and I want so badly to be happy. I treat myself like shit. I can’t look in the mirror without feeling disgust and sadness. Disgust because I hate what I see and sadness cause I realize what I see is me. I think I used to be happy but can’t remember when I last was. I know my family loves me but I can’t do the same. I don’t want to hate myself but I see nothing but flaws and failures. Rationally I know I’m focused on negative aspects and ignoring positives. But then I wonder if I’m rational at all because I still see only negatives regardless. This is a big bunch of bullshit. I’m just spewing. Thanks.