I hate being transgender. I wish I didn't. I want to experience the wonderful community. But I can't. I don't pass and I'm pre everything. I just feel so alone because every community I've tried to be involved in are mostly post-transition guys so I don't relate, and I probably won't for a while. I hate being transgender. It's the worst thing that's ever happened to me. I would rather just be a cis girl if it meant I didn't have such agonizing dysphoria. I'm glad other people are happy that they're trans. But I hate it. I've never been gendered right, I still look like a little 13 year old girl even though I try so hard to dress and act like a guy. It just feels like I'm a kid roleplaying. Maybe one day I'll change my mind. But right now it's literal torture. Trapped in a body that I can't stand.